The fall is dark and full of liberals

August 9, 2012 by Rek 2 Comments

“The Birth of Mitt Romney” by Definitely-Not-the-Obama-Campaign

There is something in the air. Terror, bitterness, resentment, restlessness—all the recurring ills of the day. Amidst all these pains of recession, we are tasked with electing the Leader of the Free World. What some might see as merely a clash of leadership potential, many see as total war for the very existence of civilization. And to be sure, four—or eight—years is a long time to wreck or salvage a nation. So the stakes are high. We get that. Really, we do.

What I don’t get is why such high stakes do not call for high seriousness. Why is the president attacking venture capital and accusing Republicans of wanting to abolish government? Why is the challenger running on business and gubernatorial experience he seems unwilling to talk about? When did the Senate Majority Leader become a Super PAC attack dog? Is the Romney campaign going to champion RomneyCare or not? What ever happened to halving the deficit in Obama’s first term? Will we ever get back to talking about Obama’s record and the specifics of Romney’s alternate plans? Did any of Nancy Pelosi’s ghosts reveal the whereabouts of her sanity, or only her ego? Why is Ezra Klein still pretending to be taken seriously?

These are the questions, folks! Is it so much to ask for the so-called leaders of the Republic to get a grip?

For the obvious answer, let’s turn to a fascinatingly disturbing trend in the liberal attacks on Mitt Romney. Not content to accuse him, ad nauseam, of committing felonies and general malice against creation, the friends of Obama have taken to linking Romney with murder.

*Cue dramatic music and audible gasps from the audience*

You’ve probably already heard that Mitt Romney is directly and singlehandedly responsible for people dying of cancer. Never mind the fact that he isn’t. Of course, folks all over the place are crying foul, but the Sherman-inspired nihilists morally righteous opportunists defenders of righteousness will not be deterred. Someone must fulfill the solemn duty to inform America that Mitt Romney Is Funded By Death Squads. Because how on earth could we have decency and healthy debate in politics if everyone didn’t know the Romney people pal around with murderers and felons—who are named Mitt Romney? Stay tuned for more brave reporting about how the Romneys stab puppies, eat children, and hate college football. And their horse is a snob. It’s a wonder these people haven’t been locked up or something.

If the Obama team is this desperate, they’re pretty much running on fumes. And if this is how they panic three months from the election, I can already hear the abattoir noises on the path to November. There will be blood, folks. It’s a dark game conservatives need not play.

As leftists embarrass their cause with gimmicks, now is the time to display the temperament and maturity to lead. If we want to make this election about Obama’s record, let’s keep talking about his record. If we want to push conservative proposals, let’s push them at every turn until the White House has to respond. If Obama wants to fight in ditches, invest in an air force and drop bombs of sound reason and good policy.

Somebody has to be the adult in the room, and if the current leaders won’t take the mantle, somebody else must. This is a prime opportunity for a positive message of real hope and vision. The change is a given.

Somebody else may have built this mess, Mr. President, but we’ll fix it. Be sure to thank the roads on your way out.